Reality Taps Me on the Shoulder and Says, "Hey. Over Here."

I've changed.

I've reached the limit with My Lust Object. He is no longer an issue. For this I am truly thankful and kind of amazed.

Before, in thinking of My Lust Object, my thoughts were muddy. I was unable to remove myself from the situation and think clearly, the way I should have been thinking about him all along. Inobjectivity pushed me to act in ridiculous ways. I had no pride, I had no boundaries. I rushed forward to get a drink from the mirage that lay ahead. What I thought was water was dust.

The thought entered my mind: "Am I behaving this way because I think I will be rewarded with him one day, or am I behaving like this because I am trying to convince myself I haven't wasted my time and effort on him?"

I didn't like the answer, but I accepted it.