Monday, July 30, 2007

Celebrity Mince Machine

Behold the beautiful English jazz singer Amy Winehouse; she of the hazel eyes, full lips, tousled-because-she-just-had-a-wild-romp-in-bed-with-a-man hair and perfectly, fantastically-shaped eyebrows. People-- this girl can wail. Her voice is sexy, deep, and it's got a sound behind it that's soulful and worldly. Perfection!

But look what happens when a woman gets ground up in the celebrity mince machine:

Sweetie, what the hell happened? What is that thing on your head? Where did your tooth go? Why do you have that mildly horrified, yet simultaneously crazed and amused look on your face?

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't dental work free in England? I'm pretty sure it is. Honestly, Amy... go get a tooth put in.

Looking around on the web at pictures of Amy, I see that she's also succumbed to the self-inflicted starvation that seems to follow on the heels of celebrity status. Apparently she used to be a size 14 (she looked stunning) and she has recently starved herself to a size 3 or less. Amy shared with the press that she does a strenuous workout 6 days a week, then walks the 25 minutes home afterward, not to mention the 25 minutes' walk to the gym. Exercise into oblivion.

That thing on her head. I squint at the pictures and try to figure out how it's attached, where it starts and ends. It's all swirled and curled and very elaborately worked into her own hair (and not in a good way). Amy's secretive hair reminds me of this guy's:

Combed back to front? Front to back? Where is his hairline? When Donald comes out of the shower, is his wet hair hanging down past his shoulders? There's just so much length and it's like Amy's; all sprayed and brushed and fluffed.

Here's a picture of Lindsay Lohan gettin' her Anne-Margaret on:


Later, Lindsay after the celeb mince machine gobbled her up:

No! Who told her she should be a brassy blonde? Where are her boobs?

Did Lindsay's boobs and Amy's tooth go get a place together?

More of the mince machine's handiwork:

Clearly she's as stupid as a sack of hammers and can't take care of herself.

What's mysterious is these people who crave attention finally get the adulation they've been seeking, then they come unhinged. What is that?

No comments: