Sunday, October 22, 2006


A girlfriend and I were out one afternoon, and we were stopped at a red light. A sketchy-looking fellow was crossing the street in front of her car, and my friend instinctively reached over and locked her car door. I chuckled at her. She turned to me and asked, "Aren't you afraid of anything?" and I answered truthfully, "Oh, I'm afraid of LOTS of things." Examples:


My sister sent me an email with an attached photo of a guy sea-kayaking. Following him was a very interested 18-foot Great White Shark. I opened that photo and just about shit my pants, because sharks, although I've never been face-to-face with one in the wild, are one of my biggest fears. The idea that a prehistoric creature can eat me makes me very, very nervous. Even more, if you are about to be eaten by a shark, you're in his habitat and there's not a whole lot you can do to protect yourself. This irrational fear of mine can be traced to seeing "Jaws" at age 12. The idea you cannot see this creature when it's about to attack you, it can eat you whole, or it can take a large chunk out of you if it's just feeling curious or finicky, fills me with unspeakable dread and fear. After seeing "Jaws", I was afraid to swim in pools, take showers, and go to the bathroom. To this day I don't like big bodies of water, including fresh water (go ahead and Google "Matawan Creek" and you'll see what I'm talking about). I still have nightmares about sharks on a weekly basis.


I know-- it's an odd one. Note I'm not afraid of my own shower curtain.

Hotel/Motel shower curtains are the worst. Think about it: maids don't change or clean a shower curtain after a guest has checked out of the room, so you know that dead skin cells, butt hair, spit and God knows what else is on that shower curtain, which is just inches from your naked skin. The worst possible thing that could happen is someone enters the bathroom while you're showering, a draft enters the shower stall, blowing the putrid shower curtain inward, and it sticks to your body. Aaaaaaggggghhh! I've tried to understand this fear of shower curtains. I have done searches on the web thinking there was a name to this possible phobia, but I've been unsuccessful in this search. Maybe the fear should be categorized under a phobia of germs, filth, or disgusting bodily fluids that you don't want to know about.


Hairy ones that can jump. 'Nuff said.

1 comment:

The Scarlet Pervygirl said...

I'm SO AFRAID OF SHOWER CURTAINS TOO! Not in the same way I'm afraid of assassin bugs, but very much in the same way that I'm not just enamored of pit toilets. Actually, pit toilets are better, in a way, because at least they're honest about their NASTINESS.

I flew out to Oregon a couple weeks ago and stayed in a hotel, and I was so paranoid about the nasty shower curtain touching me inanywaygetastickohmygoddon'tletittouchmeee that I orderded a bunch of extra towels from room service, put them on the bathroom floor, and showered with the shower curtain outside the bathtub.

Also, I refused to let any of my property touch the bedspread. They never wash those, either, and whatever people do in the shower, they do in bed with whipped cream and a prostitute.