War.

Because I work for The Hamlet's Public Works Department, I have access to all kinds of nifty things-- weed-whackers, tools, chainsaws, bulldozers, etc. By far the coolest thing we have is a street sign maker. Because my previous no parking sign was torn down by the angry man whose car I vandalized after he thoughtlessly parked in my space, I was thinking it'd be fun to make a new sign for my parking spot. It will read:

TOW ZONE

PRIVATE PARKING

Do not at any time park anything here including,

but not limited to*, bicycles, tricycles, unicycles,

motorcycles, scooters, skateboards,

baby strollers, cars, trucks, SUVs or RVs.

NO NOTHING. NO PARKING.

If you park your vehicle here, I will have it towed.

If you park something here that is small enough

to pick up, I will throw it off the nearest cliff.

* Had to toss that in. My legal background, don't you know.